


The Talk

by magicsophicorn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 18:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3946339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicsophicorn/pseuds/magicsophicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma attempts to give Henry 'The Sex Talk'. It does not go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

Emma had always known that this day would come. She had just hoped that it would have come a bit later. Like, several years later. She needed more time to prepare. She wasn't ready. She couldn't do this.

But her son, her beautiful, wonderful son, was looking at her like _that_. Like she was his hero, who knew all the answers to all of life's questions. She couldn't let him down. She had to do this. For him.

She cleared her throat nervously.

"Ah, well, you see, umm… When people reach a certain age, which is different for everyone, and it's okay if you're there already, or if you're not there yet, or if you never get there. Well, then they start to feel certain… urges… You know?"

Great start, Swan.

Henry tilted his head to the side like a curious puppy. Huh. So that must be the face Regina was talking about whenever she called Emma a puppy. Good to know. Like mother like son, apparently. 

"What kind of urges, Ma?" Henry asked.

Emma was torn between feeling glad her son was so innocent, and terrified at having to explain all this stuff to him. Why couldn't he have just learned about sex from the internet and his friends like normal teenagers?

This whole conversation had started because Henry had asked her why a suddenly irate Jefferson hadn't let him sleep over with Grace when they'd asked, and why he had thrown an entire tea set at a poor terrified Henry as he fled the house, yelling about how boys were only after one thing and they sure as hell weren't going to get it from _his_ daughter.

So now Emma was attempting to explain what that one thing was. And failing miserably.

Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Sexual urges, Henry. I'm talking about sexual urges."

She cracked an eye open just in time to see Henry's eyes widen comically.

"And that's okay, they're perfectly natural urges," Emma ploughed on, valiantly resisting the overwhelming urge to run screaming from this conversation, "And it's okay if you get them for girls, or boys, or both, or no-one. And it's okay to act on them, as long as the other person wants to too, or hey with yourself is fun too, but it's also okay to choose not to act on them. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to."  
Emma nodded at Henry, satisfied that she'd done some quality parenting there. Thank god they'd got that conversation over and done with.

"What do you mean 'with yourself'?"

… Or not.

It was Emma's turn for her eyes to widen like a deer caught in headlights. This was not where she wanted this conversation to go. Not at all.

"Uhh… I mean… Masturbation."

At Henry's blank look Emma was forced to continue through gritted teeth.

"Masturbation means… pleasuring yourself. And it's perfectly natural and normal and nothing to be ashamed of… But then, having said that, you know, don't like, do it in public or anything." Emma finished with a nervous laugh.

Henry looked at her with something akin to disgust, and Emma's treacherous brain instantly thought about all the times she'd had sex in a public place. Hell, she and Regina had done it in the restroom at Granny's just the other week.

"Oh, okay." Henry said, shifting in his seat and looking down at the table. "And if I did want to have sex with someone… how would I… you know… go about that?"

At that point Emma nearly bolted. She did not get paid enough to deal with this.

But then… She remembered how she had learned about all of this stuff - three older boys at a foster home - and how much she wished she'd had an adult in her life that she could have asked.

Well, at least she had a son and not a daughter, so she wouldn't have to talk about periods. That was a small mercy at least.

"Er… Well… When you're with someone and you're kissing and stuff, and then… one thing leads to another… well…"

Emma felt herself sweating through her t-shirt.

"No, you know what? You should ask your Mom about this, she's much better at this whole parenting thing. I'm sorry Henry, I can't do this."

Henry laughed loudly and Emma narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Oh Ma," Henry said, shaking his head. "Mom gave me the sex talk months ago after I came home early from Grace's one day and almost walked in on the two of you. Now that I know what they were, the noises I heard that day scarred me for life, Ma."

Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Wait, you mean this whole time you've just been trolling me?"

Henry had the decency to look a little bit sheepish.

"Henry Mills! You little shit! You are so very grounded!"

But then something else he'd said sunk into her brain.

"Oh my god, wait, you heard us?"

His look of disgust told her everything she needed to know. Well that was all kinds of awkward.

"Err, sorry about that kid."

"Well," he said slowly, "you scarred me for life, and I have a feeling this conversation has scarred you for life, so, uh, how about we call it even and forget the whole grounding thing?"

Emma tried to stay angry with him, she really did. But she couldn't help the smirk that crossed her features. Their son was a crafty little shit. He definitely got that from Regina.

"Okay, on one condition. We don't tell your Mom about how I failed this particular parenting milestone. Do we have a deal?"

Henry grinned and stuck out his hand.

"Deal."


End file.
